Tag Archives: criticism

Jabs

17 Mar

A friend’s disappointment, described to me today, made me wonder: How do our mom’s comments affect us, while they are here with us and after they are gone?

This friend had a typical story. Her mother made a positive comment, followed by a sarcastic remark. “You did so well. I’m so impressed. And, I’m so surprised.” Wow, she couldn’t just end with the first sentence? It made me think about how good moms are at chastising their daughters—myself, as a mom, included. We sometimes know just how to push those clichéd buttons. While I occasionally recall the cutting censures my mom made, I have not had to experience them in 17 years. By now, it might be obvious that I would prefer to endure those remarks, any and all remarks, if my mom could be here to make them. But, since she is not, have I become less sensitive? I do think that I try to curtail these comments, but I am still guilty of making them.

If our mom is gone, do we forget how it feels to be the recipient? While this highly hormonal mother/daughter banter can be considered “normal,” it is not acceptable. How do we, as mothers and daughters, avoid these jabs?

 

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Missing a supervisor

22 Feb

In our professional lives, we react to the interference or support from supervisors. We have all had experiences with the good and the bad…the helpful and the unreasonable…. The same with moms?

It is not until a few years into my current position, that I truly missed having a supervisor. As an English teacher, I always had a direct supervisor as well as a principal, superintendent, etc. Some supervisors were supportive and even inspirational. As a librarian, I have never had a library supervisor, someone to watch over me and the job I do.  Sure, sometimes I am glad to not have pressure, even interference. But, often, I would relish encouragement and even constructive criticism.

The same with moms. As a child and teenager, I can recall those (thankfully fleeting) moments when I thought how much easier life would be without someone telling me what, when and how to do things. I often resented my mom’s instruction and criticism.  Fortunately, I did always feel her strong love and underlying approval.  Do we, at almost any age, strive to “please our moms” because, deep down,  we know they are driven by that motherly supervision and confidence in our abilities? Or, do we fear their disapproval? At some level, do we know they’re right? Or, at times, do we just accept the fact that they are “boss?”

I wonder how many other daughters appreciate the supervisors they do have in their lives? Do you find yourself trying to please your supervisor the way you do or would try to please your mom? Do you have or miss that pat on the back?  Do you crave, as I do at times, constructive criticism from those with “supervisory” roles in our lives?