It’s All About Me

8 May

I celebrated my birthday yesterday and Mother’s Day today and yet I wish this weekend was NOT all about me! Without having my mother to share these days, they end up being more about me—I do not get to share the attention.  Without a mom or mother-in-law, Mother’s Day is a simple family day for me. It passes more easily than my birthday. Interestingly, I have found similar feelings among a few friends whose moms have also died—we miss our moms more on our birthdays than on Mother’s Day. It makes sense, though.  Which came first? Which day enabled the other (our moms might not have been mom without us). I always felt such a strong and close connection to my mother on my birthday. In some ways it was our day. While she did not shower me with huge gifts or celebrations, she was always the first to inquire about my plans, the one to make sure that I had plans and the last to check on my day. Sure, she made me an amazing Sweet 16 Party—in our backyard with the most delectable homemade foods that I chose, including the sweet and fruity ambrosia she made that day. But, it was really the little things that made a mark, including making sure everyone knew to say happy birthday.

Mother’s Day brings so many mixed feelings. First, I try to avoid  (what seems like a trillion) people who ask what I’m doing. Those who do not know me well and do not know about my mom, make an assumption that my plan is like theirs-a meal with mom. I find the discussions about this day’s celebration almost annoying. Why does the day have to be full of obligatory and plans? I do have more freedom than most of my friends on Mother’s Day—without a mom or mother—in-law to plan for. But, do not be envious. How I wish I could “suffer” through the brunch, lunch and/or dinner we’d have to honor them!

It’s ok to be sad for me on these two days, but let’s not dwell on what we do not have. Instead, if you and your mom can share even a few moments on your birthday or on Mother’s Day, enjoy your time with her. I like to think that this “Hallmark Holiday” forces us to share those clichéd good times together.

There are so many questions to ask you and I hope to continue this conversation. To start, if you could (or do) celebrate only one of these days with your mom, which would you choose? Which day strikes you as a day you really need (or wish you had) your mom? And, of course, why?

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