Reflecting and evolving

10 Feb

I wish my mom was alive.   Of course, I do. Today is the 17th anniversary of her death and she is actually still a part of my life.  I think about her every day and, while it certainly is not the same or ever nearly enough, I do find her “presence” in my life reassuring.  My most frequent thoughts about her range from hypothetical to self-serving questions….” Would she be comfortable visiting and staying with my family? How often would she visit?” I can theorize, based on her/our history, that she would be a huge part of our lives. When she was alive I spoke with her almost every day, would I still?  I know she would have been a big part of her grandchildren’s lives.  I am sad for her and for them that they didn’t get to meet.  I wonder what she would think of the things I do and what she would remind me to be doing.  I also think about how different my life is as an adult mother without a mother.  I do not have to worry about her and how to help her, but I wish I could worry about her and I wish I could help her.  I think about how we would both feel, having each other, being mother and daughter.

Through this blog, I look forward to conversations with women about their moms. I invite women without mothers and women with mothers to reflect on their past and current relationships, their imaginary relationships.

This, being a significant day of reflection for me, I wonder, how would my relationship with my mother have evolved over the last 17 years? Do you think about that? How has your relationship with your mother evolved? How would it have evolved?

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